How to cope with your new role as trailing husband

Much is written about coping with relocation as a trailing spouse, but the vast majority of articles assume the spouse is female.

Admittedly, the numbers of trailing husbands are far lower than their female equivalents, but the stress of suddenly losing your work identity isn’t any easier to counteract and can have life-changing effects. Firstly, it’s possible that putting your career on hold in order to advance your partner’s can lead to resentment as well as missing the opportunity of exploring a completely new expat lifestyle in an interesting location.

The first thing to realise is that the role of the dependent spouse, whether male or female, is essential to the success of the entire expat experience. Nowadays, the term ‘expat partner’ seems to be replacing the somewhat derogatory ‘trailing spouse’, and is a definition far more suited to the actual role played by the supporting partner. Even so, the huge lifestyle change experienced by male expat partners shouldn’t be underestimated. It’s not about losing identity, it’s about reshaping it to suit the current situation and can bring about the development of fresh new ideas and even new work-related ambitions.

One immediate change is that of the familiar routine of work and home, now morphed to that of expat homemaker. It’s not a demotion, but adjustment may be difficult. Finding ways to use your existing skill sets in your new position will keep your mind sharp as well as finding new skills you weren’t even aware you possessed. Interacting with local expatriate groups can spur this process and allow you to discover marketable talents and put them to use. It’s essential to admit your new role is going to be hard at first, but it can also be a new, enjoyable challenge able to bring out aspects of your personality you never knew you had, whilst supporting your partner in her new expat career.